Two Years Married, One Year Mom Bloggin’

If there’s one thing my relationship with my husband has taught me it’s that God’s timing is perfect.

We met in a split second. Literally. He was floating by on a raft, (which he abandoned) and we would have never known each other otherwise.

Dating and marriage followed quickly.

Then we went on our honeymoon and a few weeks later learned we made a daughter there. I was confused. I didn’t think I was ready to be a mom yet. And until I was actually faced with the decision, I never thought I would be a stay-at-home mom at that.

But she grew strong inside me and came into this world with a fierceness. She was coming whether I thought I was ready or not. It was hard, intense, beautiful, magical and it changed everything.

I used to spend my days chugging coffee and writing what other people thought they needed for their business. OK maybe the coffee part is still true. But back then I told myself that I was happy. That life had meaning because at least I’m doing what I love for a living. I kept plugging away hoping that one day my words would somehow help people.

And now (thanks to my supportive husband and the Internet) I have the privilege of being with our daughter and writing what I believe is important.

It’s not glamorous—anything but actually. It’s a daily grind and I never get everything done. Screw “laundry couch,” I have a laundry bed.

But now it’s clear that God had planned this all along. The true meaning of life and the way I can help others through the one thing I’m gifted in. If you don’t believe me on that one gift, just ask me a simple math question. I dare you…

If you’re struggling with the timing of your life, take a deep breath and just know that everything is exactly how it should be.

OK, that was basically a Justin Bieber lyric– but the boy had a point!

stephanie@theintrovertedmom.com

Oils, Emotions and Introversion

A few short years before becoming a mother, I had learned to conquer my introversion. I always felt a little different because I really enjoyed the solace of being alone. I can sit in my own company for hours and be perfectly entertained. I can do this because I express myself best internally. And I re-charge my battery with alone time.

Even before figuring that out, I chose writing as a profession. It’s the only way I know what I’m thinking sometimes. When I’m sitting alone, words flow on paper before I even have time to process them.

All women have to relearn how to live their lives as a mama. But adjusting to the mental load of motherhood without having much time to “introvert” was harder than I expected.

Introverts are custom to taking as long as they need without seeing anyone. They may not respond to texts for days at a time or take regular breaks from social media. They are not anti-social, though. Let’s get that straight! Introverts actually love very hard and experience life intensely. We need time to process our thoughts and experiences.

In the months after my daughter was born, I knew I needed time to myself. But I also knew that my baby girl was helpless. And if she needed me, I would be there. I was filled with the same all-consuming worry for my child that every mom gets the second her baby enters the world (introverted or extroverted).

On top of that, there are so many things a woman needs to do to feel like a functioning human being. Go to the bathroom, shampoo her hair, shave her legs, pluck her eyebrows, take care of her skin, get a haircut, FIND PANTS THAT FIT, etc.

And those are just the basics of physical upkeep! When was I going to find time to read, write, exercise and rest my mind when I couldn’t even find time to get all of the things above done?

 

Then there’s the mom guilt. We all have to intentionally conquer this every day. Or at least try otherwise it will conquer us. Society tells us that motherhood equals perfection, so we aim to be that at all times. And if we dare stray from perfection, we shame ourselves internally and feel like bad mothers.

 

So what do we do to feed our soul and not feel guilty about it?

Be Kind to Yourself

After having a baby everything seems jumbled up. Sleep is lacking, hormones are high and things that are not a big deal become a big deal.

I wish someone had told me that it’s OK to feel like this. That the first few months are going to be hard. I was so worried about other people’s expectations of what I should be like as a mom that I couldn’t focus on just feeling good as an individual.

So we have to first give ourselves a break, mamas! You were used to swimming in an ocean of alone time. Give yourself room to adjust and tell yourself that it’s OK not to be OK. Otherwise you will just end up beating yourself up all day about it instead of actively moving forward.

Set Personal Priorities

I was so busy being critical of myself that I wasn’t being realistic about what I needed. I need sleep and writing in silence and to wear makeup sometimes. And that’s perfectly OK! In fact my family NEEDS me to do those things to love myself so that I can love them, too.

I started using a planner to help organize my thoughts and better prioritize my time. I even got stickers to make it fun! Making a list of personal priorities and sharing it with my spouse helped us to carve out that time for me. This month I got my eyebrows waxed to save time and dyed my own roots to save time and money. #compromise

Balance Your Emotions

The limbic system is considered to be the emotional control center of the brain. It controls the heart rate, blood pressure, breathing, memory, stress levels and hormone balance.

The only way to access this emotional control center? Smell. That’s why essential oils have played a major role in my ability to balance motherhood with introversion.

I use essential oils such as Tangerine, Lavender and Roman Chamomile at night and during my alone time to promote relaxation. We also use them in many ways around the house to avoid toxic chemicals and boost our immune systems. Since incorporating oils into our daily lives, we have also been able to stay physically healthy!

 

Wanna chat anything Oils Emotions or Introversion? Email me at stephanie@theintrovertedmom.com and let’s do it!